Thursday, October 6, 2011

The Indian Bestie

Growing up, I've stumbled upon many phenomenons in my lifetime.

One is a trend I somehow manage to create in anyone who becomes close friends with me:

The Indian Bestie

Almost every time I become close friends with a girl (black, white, Mexican, etc.) and I either move away, or the friendship dissipates, that girl immediately, with no time to spare, finds another Indian girl to take my place.

This may not seem strange to some of you.

But when I was a kid, this was weird. Because, um, there weren't that many Indian people around in Midwest USA at the time.

Which meant a couple of my former friends had to actually seek out the only other Indian girl living in town and cultivate a close friendship with her in a short period of time. That's a lot of work just to find my replacement!

But the more I think about it, the more I realize I probablx did these old friends of mine a favor. I've introduced them to a secret.

Indian girls make the perfect best friend.

Here is why:

Indian girls are hot. It is very important to have a best friend who is just as attractive as you, if not more so. Hot girls attract boys. Hot girls get stuff for free. Hot girls make people smile. The emphasis on the plural is very important. A hot girl by herself is just a bitch.

Indian girls are smart. Nobody wants to tell people their best friend is a 20-something-year-old Wal-Mart greeter. When you are besties with an Indian girl you can proudly inform people, "My best friend is finishing up medical school this May!" or "My best friend is a forensic anthropologist!" or "My best friend is a freelance journalist who also has a successful fashion blog!"

Indian girls are not going to sleep with your boyfriend. Most Indian girls are not interested in whoring around because they have better things to do. Plus, many of them intend to one day marry a handsome, successful Indian man, who has their parents' approval. Chances are, your boyfriend isn't that guy.

Indian girls are loyal. For the most part, Indian girls are devoted and tight-knit. They are very family-oriented and treat close friends like family. If you're one of their lucky close friends, you will be invited to a lot of Indian social functions, involving delicious homemade food, gorgeous bright-colored sarees, and my favorite part, hot Indian guys.

Now who wouldn't want an Indian best friend?! Hell, I event want an Indian best friend now!

Disclaimer: Now some of you may have objections to this list of characterizations. "But Jennifer, my ex-best friend Priya Patel is an ugly dumb ass two-timing penniless bitch who slept with my dad!" Well, kids, obviously not all Indian women have these fantastic qualities. This is just a generalization based on my own observations.

Disclaimer to the disclaimer: In the quote above, Priya Patel is a fictional character made up for the sole purpose of entertainment and educational value. Any resemblance to an actual person, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

If you want to see more of my friendly stereotyping, check out my 10,000 word post, Why Swedish Girls Make the Best Lovers.

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